The funniest jokes on the net

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls d…

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready…

A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside to find a man screwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching. He walks up to the boy and says ''Who's that screwing my sheep?'' The boy re

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm a…

There was a tourist on a farm and he asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, ''That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw.'' ''So why does he have a wooden leg?'' the touris…

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. …

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any on…

A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He gets out and tries to find something close by -- and comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer…

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and found to his dismay that his son, Jeb, was jerking off. He vowed to his son that he was going to help him find a wife, so he would not have to be doing …

Why did the farmer sell his frog leg ranch? He found out it was a 'rough toad to hoe.'

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer buys one young cock from the market and puts it in the pen with the old cock and …

A Welshman an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside. Once inside they each hid in a old sack ag…

Q: Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller? A: Because he wanted mashed potatoes.

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Perhaps Willie Nelson and John Cougar Mellencamp will stage a benefit concert outside my barn to raise funds to replace the missing machinery.

If a farmer was only able to choose between buying a cow or a tractor, what should he pick. On one hand, he would look funny riding on a cow. On the other hand, he would look funnier trying to milk a

A salesman''s car breaks down in the pouring rain outside a farmhouse. The salesman bangs on the farmhouse door. The next morning, the farmer''s daughter wakes up to find her father in bed with the …

How does a blonde spell "farm?" E-I-E-I-O!!

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that''s going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you''re a penguin, doesn''t it?"

Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing!

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag. 1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?" 2nd blonde: "Chickens." 1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in tha…

What drug was the duck on? Qwack!

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll he…

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.  The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.  He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to …

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he was having no luck at all. Then he heard a voice, ''If you build it they will come.'' He thought nothing of it at first but then he heard it again, ''…

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your …

There was once an old pheasant who was chatting with a bull. The pheasant said, ''I would love to get on top of that yonder tree, but I haven't got the energy''. ''Well,'' said the bull, ''why don't…

A travelling salesman was out in the country one evening and wasn't sure how to get back to the main highway. He came upon a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. "Sure," said…

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I as…

A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He…

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 mi…